Sunday, March 24, 2013

Third times a charm

So you're probably wondering how my visit from Superman went...

Well I could tell you all the juicy details...nope. I'll just enjoy those by myself.
I could just go to bed.... but until I get this out I probably won't be able to sleep, so here it goes!

I learned a lot today-

For instance when things start going the way I dreamed that they would I start to feel guilty like I did something wrong and that's why things are going right. Ya that's weird, I know.

Also, expect the unexpected and love it. Life hardly ever works out the way we would like it to or plan it to. I would simply not make 'plans' just to avoid disappointment, but without a plan I get no where in life. I've come to accept that I don't know what is the very BEST for me, only our Father does and I've got to trust him on that.

And my hunches have been right all along! That was the biggest shock I think, but so bittersweet.

I hate myself for forgetting my camera when I really wanted to capture something that means a lot to me.

Although I feel like tonight was "just the beginning", my mission is my main focus! 3 days peeps... yup. You could say tonight was horrible timing, but if the man upstairs had anything to do with it then it was the perfect timing.

So now I'm just waiting for... third times a charm :) (And yes I am purposefully being vague.)

Sunday, March 17, 2013

A visit from Superman

So remember my friend from THIS? Well he is back! But he isn't "back" in the sense of THIS. It is continuing on more of THIS vibe and THIS vibe. ...Sorry that probably isn't helping me explain much so let me just get straight to the story. I'm going to switch THIS GUY'S 'nickname' up a bit though (and I'll explain that too).

Well remember Captain America? Sorry I'm getting 'link' happy.
I don't mean him...
...though I wouldn't be opposed to going on a date with him ^. I mean the Captain I went on a date with a while back. Anyway, I kind of got on this naming-my-dates-after-superheroes thing and so I have a new name for the inspiring guy I dated last July/August-wow was it really that long ago? Okay sorry, back to the point. Well I refer to him as Superman. I think this name also fits him perfectly.

So as the title of this post 'foreshadowed'...blunty, I got a visit from Superman recently. Keep in mind that the only time I had talked to Superman in about 4 months was when I told him that I got my mission call and it was more like phone tag than a real conversation. That's it. So after not seeing or talking to him in a very long time, I get a cellular message from Superman and the next thing I know he is sitting in my front room laughing at one of my ridiculous stories. Yeah crazy, I know!

Well the next day I told my aunt about this visit and she told me not to read into it. I thought for a long time about whether I was just over analyzing everything and decided to just simply lay out the facts:

  1. Superman broke up with ME (which is fine because I'm supposed to serve a mission anyways, but we won't get into that).
  2. I don't hear from Superman in about 4 months time. Not a word. Not anything.
  3. Superman comes to my house to visit me (kind of out of the blue) and tells me beforehand he has a 'mission gift' for me.
  4. Superman visits for 4 1/2 hours (until 2 a.m.).
  5. Superman gives me what could be considered a sentimental gift (something he was given on his mission). 
  6. Even though he doesn't normally talk a ton, Superman was in between dominating and evenly contributing to our conversation.
  7. Also, Superman was seated within my... intimate space.
  8. Superman doesn't leave until we get laughing so hard it wakes up my dad and he basically kicks Superman out of the 2 in the morning! how am I not supposed to read into this... 

Weeks pass and I have my mission farewell. I invited Superman and he came to hear me speak (which made me strangely nervous, but I don't want to get into that either). Well after I gave my talk I invited friends and family to come over to my house to have some lunch and visit. Superman came, but left...kinda early. I thought "Oh well. It would be nice to talk to him, but I guess it's good to be at the end of all that 'analysis avoidance' right?" WRONG.

Later that same day I get another cellular message. Superman wants to hang out again before I leave on my mission. Huh. Yeah, I definitely don't need to read into that. Whatever.

Well we have a day and time set to do whatever it is two people do after they've dated, become good friends, stopped dating, not communicated for a significant chunk of time, seen each other twice, and now one is leaving on a dating-sabbatical/service to the Lord/LDS mission. Don't get me wrong, I am excited. I mean we did date for a reason! Superman is a great guy and I enjoy spending time with him, I just don't quite understand what is going on in his head...

And what happens on this not-a-date/but-is-it-a-date-?/time-to-just-catch-up...thingy be continued  :)

The Hermana's prepartion adventures

I know, everything I claim as an adventure. But isn't life in general an adventure?

This is a quick update on life in well...the past few months...or several months...

First we'll talk about my lil' brothers mission farewell.

 There were so many people that came to Jake's farewell that people had to sit on the floor and down the halls!
 This is the kitchen/living space once things had calmed down a bit. At first it was WAY crowded. You couldn't see any of the floor. Just heads.
 Matt, Kimmy and the kids:) So glad we got a picture of all of them :)

 In front of the Provo temple.
Getting ready to drive to the MTC and drop him Jake off.

 The curb drop. Jake's about to enter the MTC doors. He loves his mission!

 Kade and I went bowling. Yes, I won but that isn't the point. I scored into the triple digits for the first time!!!
I also snapped a photo of Kade right as he turned around! He never lets me get a good photo of him and he's so handsome I don't know what his problem is!
Oh I'm sneaky! Got another photo of Kade eating London M&M's. Pretty sure they don't taste better than regular ones, but we thought it was cool.

 I ate lots of pizza...
Went to a dear friend's bridal shower. :)

 And watched as the Lady Wolves won state and my friend become MVP of the tournament.

Oh and Tyler threw "cloud" balloons/pillows/I-don't-know at me.

Mama says...

So obviously I haven't been writing as much and I could blame it on a lot of things, but I think my mom was right when she said it's because I have facebook again so I just post life on that. Kind of lame, I know, but it's probably true. So here is something I won't be talking about on facebook...


I guess you could say I went back to the place of my "past" this week. (Clarification- I went to the location, not the state of life.) I was a little weary as the miles became shorter and shorter as I grew closer and closer and the miles grew longer as I drove farther and farther from home.

On my way I drove through a very familiar canyon. I had driven through the same canyon many, many times, but this time nightmares from the past flooded my mind. The canyon became ugly. It was trying to force spring to come, but winter still held on. It was muddy and plants only showed signs of death. And some parts looked like life never planned to return. It was ugly, just like pieces of my past.

As I drove on, my perspective changed and the canyon wasn't so ugly anymore. Like my past, the canyon resembled my own struggle to work past the ugly and over come personal challenges I faced. Some of the snow seemed purest white and reminded me of the atonement. The snow had to melt for spring to come, but it didn't mean the snow wouldn't impact the landscape and what it looked like in the spring. The earth had to grow.

Although, in a small way the canyon represented my past, I realized something else. Like my past, this canyon hadn't changed, but I had.

And I wanted to cry out and cry for joy because I had changed. I had changed for the better...and for good.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Sickness and health

I can't remember where I was, but it was church related. Maybe. But someone made a comment about how we don't realize how nice it is to be healthy until we get sick. (I've come to really appreciate my health in the past week since I've been sick.)

Well a little while later I was reading in 1st Nephi (book from the Book of Mormon) and his journey to the promised land. Nephi was confronted with some crazy opposition in his life. As I read his story I realized that there is opposition in EVERYTHING (and it talks about that in 2nd Nephi). I've been taught this principle my entire life, but I never thought that I would experience similar (and I use similar very loosely) opposition to Nephi. Now let me explain.

I feel like that for as long as I can remember I've been a pretty comfortable person. I don't really remember holding grudges or anything like that so forgiveness has never been something I've had real problems with. Then I get my mission call and I'm in a situation holding bitterness and unkindness in my heart.

To keep the story short, its something that I still have to work on today, but I have some tremendous help. With studying more about Nephi I came across 2nd Nephi chapter 2. In that chapter it talks about opposition and it also talks about Christ and His atoning sacrifice. While reading that chapter a thought came to mind...Christ atoned for EVERYONE'S sins. He even did for those that spat on Him, cursed Him, and those He knew that would crucify Him. I was blown away at this realization. How could someone have so much love for those that did such horrible things? And then I felt the guilt. Here I was holding this bitterness in my heart over something that is nothing compared to what Christ and Nephi went up against. Obviously Christ was and is perfect so I know I can't exactly measure up to him, but Nephi wasn't perfect. He even talks about his weakness in his writings. And although I may never have the faith and strength that Nephi had, my trial is small compared to his AND I know how Nephi had such compassion and love. Christ.

I like to think of it this way; you're at work and you have this really upset customer. You've done nothing wrong, but for whatever reason the customer isn't happy and your efforts to please them changes nothing. (Yes this has happened to me in real life.) Well in situations like that I always took comfort in that I had a manager who could help, who WANTED to help. So if there was ever a problem I couldn't handle I could always turn to my manager.

I'm not saying that's exactly how the atonement works, but I think it helps illustrate the point that we are never alone. Christ is there waiting for us to ask for help; He WANTS to help. He is there for us through all of our existence. We're not perfect and life is way too hard to work out by ourselves, and I think it was meant to be that way.

I still get tastes of bitterness every now and then, but I always try to remember that in the end this is just a small issue and big or small our Savior will take care of it. "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men" (Doctrine and Covenants 64:10) and honestly I find that a relief.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Double Digits!!

That's right! I have 81 days until I leave on my mission. I'm in the double digits ya'll! Its a great feeling.

If you had asked me two years ago if I was going to serve a mission I would have given you pretty much a solid "no". It's not that I didn't think that a mission was a good thing, I just didn't see it in my future, or at least in the future that I had planned.

As we all know, I've been boy crazy my whole life and I had always planned to be married way before 21 (the age change hadn't happened yet). But Heavenly Father knows me and He knew that a mission was the right thing for me. And you know what? He's a pretty clever man. You know how He got me thinking about serving a mission?! He started pulling awesome returned missionaries into my life that often talked about their missions and He also gave me awesome missionary experiences that started a seed inside me that grew and gave me desire to share the Gospel. Clever.

I've had doubting moments and pondered whether serving a full time mission is the right thing for me, but you know who keeps me going? My future husband :) Yup, that handsome man who has yet to reveal himself. I think I've mentioned this before, but I keep a journal that I use exclusively to write letters to my future husband. Ya it's silly, but you have no idea what it's done for me; for example this whole mission deal-eo. Every time I doubt I think about how wonderful it will be to share mission stories with my husband. And it might be a little selfish that I don't think about those who I will be serving first, but I'm not perfect.

I found a not in my scriptures that I wrote in February 2009:

"I AM going to serve a mission! ...No boy is going to change that!"

I guess deep down I knew all along that I was going to serve. Glad I finally figured it out.