Tuesday, March 27, 2012


Yup. That's how I feel right now.

First, I'm emotionally healing. Finally. Closure is a blessing, no doubt.


Third, the free photo editing program that I use now has new features so I've been playing with that and I love it!

Fourth, the physical therapist found out what REALLY is wrong with me. Therapy went great and I'm excited to recover and start running.

Fifth, I get to see my grandmother this weekend.

Life is good. You just have to make the choice to look for the good.

Here are some of the pictures I had fun editing:

I got over the fear of taking pictures of myself...well I guess at least taking pictures of my eyes. :)

Friday, March 23, 2012

The Hunger Games, the Gospel, and The End

I know, I know. It's after 3 a.m. but I have to tell you about my amazing night!

First, Jacob and I were going to go on a scooter ride, but the battery died before we could get anywhere, but it was a good attempt. But no worries, when we get a new battery Jacob and I will be out and about a lot.

Second, I GOT TO SEE MY FIRST MIDNIGHT MOVIE SHOWING! It was great. Typically I wait for all of my friends to see a movie I'm interested in seeing and then ask if they think I'll like it, but this time I did just the opposite. It was fun to read the books and then go see the movie. I was a tad bit disappointed but then I had to remind myself that you can't develop stories and relationships in a movie like you can in a book. So I guess they did a good job.

So anyways, in the car on the ride home, my roommate (who decided not too long ago that she wants to serve a mission) brought up some amazing thoughts. While I was focused on comparing the movie to the book, Cede was comparing it all to the Gospel (ya, she's great). Pretty much all stories or movies have a similar storyline. There are the bad guys who make life for the good guys tough and then a small group of the good guys decide to do something about it and in the end the good guy win. Now there are those strange movies where the bad guys win or something like that, but why do we find stories where the good guys DON'T win strange? Cede said that her theory was that we all have this idea that we learned from the preexistence that good always wins. I mean think about it. The war in Heaven, who won? The good guys. Its engraved in us before we even came down to earth. Loved that theory!

Another "theory" Cede shared with me was on magic. Cede is amazing and spends an hour or two reading from the Bible and another hour or so in the Book of Mormon. Anyway, she noticed that in the Bible it refers to "the word of God" and how in some blessings there are set words you say. Now think about oh...Harry Potter. There are certain words that have certain power. Make the connection? Satan "created" magic and witchcraft to mock the powerful word of God just like how he mocks everything that is holy and sacred. Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't watch Wizards of Waverly Place, or Sabrina, or Harry Potter, but its just another thing to think about.

Now to The End. Jessica, my other fabulous roommate, brought up another great thing to ponder. In The Hunger Games, before the tributes (I would explain the story in more detail, but I don't have time) are sent out to-well kill each other to save themselves, they are prepared, "beautified", and pretty much "shown off" to all those who are watching. Then after all of the fancy presentation they are sent to kill each other in order for the Capitol to show the people it's power. Think of our world today and how obsessed everyone is in "beautifying" themselves and physically prepping themselves. Again, I'm not saying that we shouldn't shower in the morning or exercise to stay healthy, but just think about it. Think about celebrities, they buy their fancy clothes and try to stand out from the rest (usually) and then later TV shows pick and choose which celebrities' looked the best and which ones were just outrageous. Our government is becoming more and more powerful in all the wrong ways. Who knows what could happen in the next decade? Crazy stuff, ya?

Anyways, on a happier note, the sun is shining ("and the tank is clean"-that one is for you Carrie Baker/Cluff)!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Sunshine and windstorms

I have to say that the best part of my day was lying on my blanket with Cede (my awesome roommate) in the sunshine at Adam's Park all afternoon. I think I actually have some color to my face now ;)

Taking a step back, going back to my dream about sails and wind, you could say that today was one of those days where the wind was so strong that just fighting it by myself I took a few steps back and honestly I kind of just gave up pressing forward. But then I realized a very critical piece of my "vision" that was missing. The Savior. Because of Him, I didn't take any steps back, in fact I'm still steadily going forward as He carries me and I am very grateful for that.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Pressing Forward

I learned a lot in church today and it wasn't as much from what the teachers where teaching, but what the Spirit was teaching me.

During Sunday School the teacher talked about the scripture in 2 Nephi 31: 20. It reads, "Wherefore, ye must press forward..." The teacher asked what it meant to press forward. The first thing I thought of was a dream I had not too long ago.
In my dream I was wearing a cape, but the ends of the cape where connected to the bottom of my shirt so it was more like a sail. I was running and as the wind blew at my back I ran even further and faster and harder, but then at times the wind would change directions or I would change directions and the wind would be coming at me. The wind would catch my sail and made it difficult to go forward, but I continued to try to forward no matter what. Sometimes the wind was so strong I literally had to press my body forward against it and it was a struggle to not step back.
I feel like life is like this sometimes, but we must (to continue the scripture) "...press forward with a steadfastness in Christ having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."
Now note that the scripture did not say that we would know where life was going to take us and why things happen, it said that we needed to have a "perfect brightness of HOPE". And with hope there is faith, "...faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; which are not seen, which are true." Alma 32:21 

No matter where you are keep pressing forward, life is too short to give in and step back.

What gave you strength and encouragement today?

Healing Hearts

For many of us, it has been a hard school year and for each of us it has been for different reasons. Many of you know my story so I'll skip the details.

I was inspired to read the March 2012 Ensign tonight and luckily I followed that prompting to the very last page where I stumbled across Moving On and Moving Forward. This was an answer to so many prayer and this post was inspired by it.

This, being the first break up I've ever experienced, was harder than I could have ever imagined. I wasn't always smart about what I did and where I allowed my feelings to go. This made it even harder to heal. Many times I sought temporary comfort more than healing and got myself into situations that, even though I learned from them, regret deeply. It wasn't so much that it caused me more grief but my actions caused others grief. I have learned a lot about myself in the past eight months or so but more importantly I've discovered the importance of having a strong relationship with Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ.

I have been incredibly blessed this school year. I couldn't describe to you all that the Lord has given me to get through this difficult time in my life and it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. First off, I have an incredible mother. She is so strong and amazingly understanding. I KNOW I was meant to be her earthly daughter. I hope that some day I can be as much of a blessing to her as she has been to me. Thanks Mom, I love you. Secondly, even though we don't all get along all of the time, I have been blessed with roommates that are very caring and they have become some of my greatest friends. I hope they know how much I appreciate them. Thirdly, I have amazing church leaders who teach and lead me by the Spirit and truly care about my well being. And of course there is the rest of my family and friends; my little brothers who (even though they are teenagers) still cuddle up to me, my grandmother who is always so loving, my encouraging cousins, my dad who has such a tender heart, and all of my ward and college friends and old friends from grade school.

So to my point, when life brings us struggles our actions truly show us who we are. I discovered that there are things I want to change in my life and that I have strengths I never knew I had. The biggest thing I learned was that I wanted to have a closer relationship with our Father in Heaven. I noticed that during the times where I sought temporal comfort was when I wasn't close to the Spirit and justifying a lot of the things I was doing and that got me into trouble. I was thinking about only myself and what I could get out of the situation, I was not thinking about how my actions effected those around me.

In Moving On and Moving Forward the part that stuck out to me was:
"Our teacher drew a line on the chalkboard, labeling one end, “Being too hard on ourselves” and the other end, “Eat, drink, and be merry.” We talked about avoiding either extreme. I wondered what words would be in the center of the line, and the Spirit guided my thoughts to the phrase “a broken heart and a contrite spirit.” It seemed to me that the solution to a tendency to be too hard on oneself might be described as a contrite spirit—one that is repentant, accepting of the Lord’s help, and grateful for His mercy. The remedy for being at ease in Zion might be called a broken heart—one that is justly motivated to change and to heal."

I'm still healing, I think I will be healing for some time, but I know that when I try to have a real relationship with Heavenly Father and Christ, I will be strengthened in ways I never thought possible and be apart of amazing things to help others heal as well. And I will always find strength in the Lord.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Bring on the sun!

Lately it has been really warm here in Logan and I am definitely okay with that. Ya we got kind of a random snow storm the other day but we are back to 50 degree weather! The other morning when I woke up I could hear birds chirping outside my window and that put my day at a perfect start. Then in institute on Friday we sang There Is Sunshine In My Soul. I must say that God is being merciful on the Aggies this winter and bringing in the sun early for us to enjoy :) I just wish my knee was better so I could go running outside!

I pulled out some of my summer shirts today, I don't care that its not even technically spring yet. I just want the sun to come out!!!

Oh and the best thing I discovered the other day was this video! The group is called the Piano Guys and they are amazing. This is my favorite of their songs thus far.

Peponi (Paradise cover by Coldplay)

Sunday, March 4, 2012


Just like my life, there are going to be some changes made (that you've probably already noticed) to my blog. I decided the other day that sharing my frustrations and doubts openly on my blog isn't necessarily bad, but I'd like people to read my blog and be uplifted, inspired, and maybe feel like it has added a little sunshine in their lives.

I had a seminary teacher my senior year of high school, Brother Taylor, that gave me the nickname Sunshine. To back track, before I was in his class I would stop by his classroom to talk to a friend of mine and I guess I was always smiling and laughing and he didn't know my name so he just called me Sunshine after a while. I took this as an enormous compliment. To think that someone saw me as a little bit of sunshine when I came in the room just made me so happy (and plus I just love the sun).

So now my mission with this blog is to bring a little sunshine to the lives of those who read it.

This weekend I've been in Idaho visiting family. It has been so wonderful to be with my grandma. It hit me this visit just how much I love her and will miss her when she leaves this earth. I know I will see her again, but still. She is the grandparent that I am closest to and she does so much for me and all of her kids and grandkids.

Probably the most touching part of my day though was when I pulled out and read a poem, The Race, to my mom and grandma. It had never hit me so hard that Heavenly Father doesn't care so much as to which of His children finish "the race" the quickest, but those that keep going even after they fall no matter how many times.

What brought you a little sunshine today?