Sunday, March 18, 2012

Healing Hearts

For many of us, it has been a hard school year and for each of us it has been for different reasons. Many of you know my story so I'll skip the details.

I was inspired to read the March 2012 Ensign tonight and luckily I followed that prompting to the very last page where I stumbled across Moving On and Moving Forward. This was an answer to so many prayer and this post was inspired by it.

This, being the first break up I've ever experienced, was harder than I could have ever imagined. I wasn't always smart about what I did and where I allowed my feelings to go. This made it even harder to heal. Many times I sought temporary comfort more than healing and got myself into situations that, even though I learned from them, regret deeply. It wasn't so much that it caused me more grief but my actions caused others grief. I have learned a lot about myself in the past eight months or so but more importantly I've discovered the importance of having a strong relationship with Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ.

I have been incredibly blessed this school year. I couldn't describe to you all that the Lord has given me to get through this difficult time in my life and it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. First off, I have an incredible mother. She is so strong and amazingly understanding. I KNOW I was meant to be her earthly daughter. I hope that some day I can be as much of a blessing to her as she has been to me. Thanks Mom, I love you. Secondly, even though we don't all get along all of the time, I have been blessed with roommates that are very caring and they have become some of my greatest friends. I hope they know how much I appreciate them. Thirdly, I have amazing church leaders who teach and lead me by the Spirit and truly care about my well being. And of course there is the rest of my family and friends; my little brothers who (even though they are teenagers) still cuddle up to me, my grandmother who is always so loving, my encouraging cousins, my dad who has such a tender heart, and all of my ward and college friends and old friends from grade school.

So to my point, when life brings us struggles our actions truly show us who we are. I discovered that there are things I want to change in my life and that I have strengths I never knew I had. The biggest thing I learned was that I wanted to have a closer relationship with our Father in Heaven. I noticed that during the times where I sought temporal comfort was when I wasn't close to the Spirit and justifying a lot of the things I was doing and that got me into trouble. I was thinking about only myself and what I could get out of the situation, I was not thinking about how my actions effected those around me.

In Moving On and Moving Forward the part that stuck out to me was:
"Our teacher drew a line on the chalkboard, labeling one end, “Being too hard on ourselves” and the other end, “Eat, drink, and be merry.” We talked about avoiding either extreme. I wondered what words would be in the center of the line, and the Spirit guided my thoughts to the phrase “a broken heart and a contrite spirit.” It seemed to me that the solution to a tendency to be too hard on oneself might be described as a contrite spirit—one that is repentant, accepting of the Lord’s help, and grateful for His mercy. The remedy for being at ease in Zion might be called a broken heart—one that is justly motivated to change and to heal."

I'm still healing, I think I will be healing for some time, but I know that when I try to have a real relationship with Heavenly Father and Christ, I will be strengthened in ways I never thought possible and be apart of amazing things to help others heal as well. And I will always find strength in the Lord.

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