Sleep Laughing and Butterflies

Because I was the oldest child and also the only daughter in the house growing up, I got my own room sooner than my brothers did. I had my own room until I got to college and even though it would be super nice to have a room to myself, it is cheaper to share a room. I don't mind sharing and I haven't had any problems with the roommates I've shared rooms with, I just think it would be nice to have a room to myself. Anyway, moving on. So my new roommate is a party animal! Seriously. You thought I liked to party, socialize, stay up late or whatever, well you should meet Jessy. She's the queen of the night scene. She goes to bed a lot later than I do and lately she's been telling me some pretty creepy stuff. First it started when she told me that she heard me talking (or mumbling) in my sleep but the only thing she could understand that I said was a name. That's not the best part, even more recently she said that I've been laughing in my sleep! Not a giggle or a chuckle, full on laughing! I honestly would be a little creeped out if I walked into a room and someone was laughing in their sleep. But at least I'm not crying, right? I'm thinking about investing in some kind of recording device and recording myself while I sleep just to see what I say. I don't remember my dreams and most of the time I wake up and couldn't even tell you if I had a dream or not so I have no idea what I am laughing about.

I've been kind of nervous with all of this sleep talk and laughing because its not uncommon for me to fall asleep while studying in the library or during a break in between two of my classes. Can you imagine what it would be like if I started talking in my sleep in the library?! Ya, kinda scary.

So the other day I was walking out of the ag science building and there was a butterfly just chillin' on the steps. Luckily I always have my camera with me so I took my first pictures of a butterfly!

Sadly this is the only one that really turned out, but its decent enough :)

Celebrities and Mood Swings

This all started about 7 years ago when my family flew into Atlanta, Georgia and went to a Wendy's (it occurs to me that this happened a long time ago and with my bad memory I could be getting the story wrong, but this is just how I remember it). Anyway, we were leaving and a lady approached me and  told me that she thought I looked like Gwyneth Paltrow. I didn't even know who Ms. Paltrow was!
So lets compare:

Um...Maybe? I don't have many pictures of when I was that age so this is as good as it gets.


Well today I was in my poetry class when my classmate told me that she had repeated thought that I looked like Mia Farrow. First of all, I had NO idea of who that is until she mentioned she was in the movie, The Great Gatsby.

Maybe... I don't know! Tell me what you think :)

Oh and that's not all! One of my older brothers is actually Matt Damon ;)

Can you see it?? Oh and my dad is Michael Jackson.

So onto more important things. So lately I have been frustrated because one day I feel so inspired and optimistic and the next day I am down in the dumps, at the lowest low I've ever experienced. I wanted so badly to keep my emotions under control and consistent, so I prayed. A lot. As usual my answer was...patience. So I just did what I knew I needed to be continually doing; praying as much as possible, keeping a positive view on everything, studying my scriptures, and a few other things. And guess what? It worked. Today I was sitting in the institute building in between my classes, studying my scriptures and I read 1 Nephi 20. In that chapter our Father in Heaven made it very clear as to what he expected from me. I didn't have to wait that long, I just needed to be patient and as we speak other prayers I've had are being answered. :)

So don't give up. Heavenly Father DOES answer our prayers...in time and probably in ways we never expected, but I promise they will be answered.

You've Got Mail

I LOVE mail! I love letters the very most even if its just a short note that someone sticks on my door. I love the character of it with the unique handwriting everyone has and there's just something about the fact that there person took the time to WRITE it not just type it and send it off into cyberspace. I'm not saying that I don't love emails too, I just love written letters more.

Until recently, I never really wrote many letters or got a ton of letters. Of course there were the sparkly birthday cards and a letter from my cousin, Mikel, with stickers all over it, but I never really got mail. I had 4 brothers that went on missions but I don't ever really remember writing them much to either. (Ya I am a pretty lame sister ;) ) But now I write like crazy! I write just for fun, but nearly every single day I write a letter. On Mondays I get 3 emails from my cousins that are on missions (I LOVE Mondays for that) and then the rest of the days of the week its a letter to a dear friend, to 2 friends on missions, an email to my sister, or something like that. I love it!

I have especially loved writing missionaries. It has been amazing to see the change that two of my cousins have gone through and how much they have grown spiritually in such a short amount of time. I love sharing spiritual things with them and I also love hearing about their experiences (though I wish they had time to share more). One of my cousins shared something really profound with me today. He said, "but Jesus Christ loves us all, his atonement not only for forgiveness of sins when we repent but also healing our bodies minds and spirits and making us so much better than we even dreamed we could be. Broken things can mend through Jesus Christ." Of course I knew that the atonement wasn't just for our sins, but I loved the say he said, "broken things can mend through Jesus Christ." In that line he meant himself. My cousin went through a time in his life that he felt bruised, lost, and broken and because of some people that were living the gospel befriended him he pulled through and changed to be the amazing young man he is now and he is serving a mission and changing so many other lives.

Well here is my "letter" to you today.

Dear Friend,
Be that person! I believe that there are people out there that each one of us is supposed to personally help because we will understand their situation the best or whatever other reason. You could be that one person that changes someones life around, you could be the one to save someone. Remember that there are people out there that want to help you. We all go through hard times, but we are never alone and I promise you that there is someone out there that knows that you are hurting and wants to help! So let them. Holding it all in isn't going to fix anything. Remember to be the good influence that people need especially in the world today and remember to set an example because there is always someone watching you. So stay positive, work hard, and show your beautiful smile to the world as much as you can.
With love,
Al

Change

A positive attitude is something to easily have during the "smoother" times in our lives and, in my mind, I start to wonder why I ever have a hard time being positive because it seemed like such an easy and simple thing to do.

Since I was very little, I have had the desire to get married and have a family. This has been a very strong desire and at times it was extremely hard to deal with when there seemed like there was nothing I could do with the feeling. I mean imagine being a girl at 12 who is just dying to get married and have children when she isn't even old enough to date! That was me. It seemed even more difficult when I was 16 and 17 and I knew that as much as I longed to have a boyfriend and just feel ONE step closer to my wanting, I needed to heed to the counsel of the Lord and my leaders and get to know a lot of people really well. I think the worst was my freshman year of college, mostly because it is my most recent experience. You see, before I left for Logan my younger brother, his friends, and even my mom all made "bets" as to when I would be married or at least engaged; there was 2 weeks, 2 months, 6 months, 9 months, 1 year, 18 months, and then my mom (the only wise one in the group) who said 1 or 2 years. So I headed to college with the idea that during my 18th year I would meet a fabulous guy that I would learn to love with all my heart and get married, just like that. It didn't happen. Fall semester passed and going into the spring semester I thought, "it will happen this semester", and it didn't then either.  In fact, there are only 2 or 3 people that can still win the bet and I have a feeling that none of them may win. I remember after that first year ended and thinking that I was so old and there had to be something wrong with me because I still hadn't found a young man who was what I wanted in a husband. I know, you're thinking "wow Alex, you're only 19! You're not old at all!" but remember that I have been having this intense desire basically since birth. Waiting for 19 years feels like a really, really, really long time.

Well the Lord works in mysterious ways. Summer happened, the best summer of my life, and then I was again thinking about why things never happen the way I plan them to. One of my roommates told me that she thinks that God laughs at our plans and I can imagine that He laughs at mine, but that doesn't mean that He does not care about our desires, it just means that He knows what we really need in our lives and if our desires match those needs THEN things somehow work out. I know I will eventually get married, it just isn't going to happen in the way I expect it to.

I also believe there are moments in our lives when we can feel ourselves changing and growing. This can be in a good direction or in a different direction, but I believe we can "see" it happen if we take the time to sit back and watch. I felt myself grow this past week. I can feel myself getting a little wiser and laugh if you will, but I promise that it's possible to be a little blonde and a little wise at the same time. I am still single and no where near marriage but I'm happy about it. I still have a strong desire to know the feeling of kneeling at the alter across from my eternal companion, holding my first born child, growing my first garden, serving a couples mission, and all of those wonderful experiences we have after we are married, but it will come in time. I still need to experience the single college life a little longer.

A man I look up to a lot, my institute teacher, told me that there are young men that I still need to meet and that need to learn from me and that I need to learn from, that there are young men that need to feel my light. Dating, for the first time, isn't something that I am necessarily looking forward to, but instead I'm excited to just get to know a lot of people, develop the relationships I have now, travel to far away places, watch my little brothers grow into men, learn to write like I have always wanted, learn how to cook many amazing meals, read and read a lot, and more importantly develop my relationship with my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ. Although I could do all of these things while I am married, there is something different about doing it while I am still single. I am also excited to do all of the things I didn't do that I wanted to do last year. I'm excited to experience being 19. No more wishing for the next step in life to come, I am enjoying where I am at now! And I can use these feelings of intense desire to motivate me to develop myself for when the time does come.

You're probably wondering what happened that caused all of this inspiration to come and for the positive side of me to dig itself out, well I am a very blessed individual. I have a family that loves me unconditionally, I have amazing friends that stick with me, and (what you least expected) I just watched the movie Soul Surfer. During the movie, there were things said that I needed to hear, to boost me up to research subjects to help me see the bigger picture. So, for probably the only time in my life, I am going to say, thank you Hollywood, you did some good in my life.

So I read up on "patience" on LDS.org and this is what I came accross that inspired me.

“Indeed, we cannot have true faith in the Lord without also having complete trust in the Lord’s will and in the Lord’s timing."

"We prepare in the way the Lord has directed. We hold ourselves in readiness to act on the Lord’s timing. He will tell us when the time is right to take the next step. For now, we simply concentrate on our own assignments and on what we have been asked to do today. In this we are also mindful of the Lord’s assurance: “I will hasten my work in its time” (D&C 88:73)."

Elder Dallin H. Oaks- Timing Oct. 2003 

**I HIGHLY recommend you read the whole talk. It was amazing and applies to anyone's situation. Come on, read it now. You know you want to!

"As I read, the message for me became strikingly clear: the purposes...can be likened to His purposes in directing my life. He would have me experience “a little season” of waiting before I marry, that I may be prepared to do what is required of me and have experiences that promote learning and growth."

Sister Brooke Ann Smith - Waiting a Little Season July 2008

“Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace.”

Elder Uchtdorf

I feel like I've just driven around a round-about, finished a lap around the track, I feel like I am back where I started last school year. But this time its different. Now I know that there is a young man out there who is waiting anxiously for our time to united in the eyes of God, I know that that time will not come any sooner just by wanting it to, I know that being single isn't a terrible thing as long as you are striving to better yourself and setting goals to get to the next step, I know that I am loved more deeply than I know, and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that God does NOT leave His children to go through life on their own, there are people all around us that are reaching out to help us and befriend us. There are people that need us as much just as we need them and together we stand even stronger and learn even more. I cannot agree with President Hinckley more when he said, "life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."

May you all enjoy your journey, wherever you may be. And let the Lord show you all the change that will better us in ways we never imagined. :)

Our Own Pie Day:)

Okay, so I realize that this pie day thing with my friends has been a tradition for them for a while, but I was only included in this grand occasion one other time than today. In the past we made rhubarb pie, but today it was banana cream! Boy, it was good. To be honest it wasn't the pie that made my night, it was the people I was spending my time with. Layten, a dear friend of mine, moved to Salt Lake and I haven't seen him in months so that was awesome! Andrew I haven't seen for a long time either and of course Brittney, my amazing roommate! We had a grand 'ol time and by the end of our delicious gathering, my side and cheeks hurt (Layten was mostly to blame).

 Brittney and I made faces at the camera while the boys looked up a song that Layten felt related to what we were talking about (Easy by Rascal Flatts, I think).

Yummy pie. And I finally used the timer setting on my camera. Ya I know you're jealous ;)

I LOVE COLLEGE!!!

My Anti-Laboring Weekend

Friday night was epic! The institute dance was probably the funnest dance I have been to in my life! I mean high school dances were fun, but college is just 100 times better in general. Instititute dances are nice because the music is clean and fun, the dress is appropriate, the dancing is clean (crazy but clean), and it was just nice to dance to my hearts content without worrying about my date or friends seeing something they didn't want to. My friends and I were on top of the world doing crazy, weird dance moves and eating free food. It was also really nice to see all of my old friends from last year and catch up. Half are engaged and a few got married over the summer, but luckily there is still a handful that are still single and let me tag along with them. I got to see my awesome cousins too! Katie, Megan (well she's a 2nd cousin), Spencer and I even have a 3rd cousin up here! Its crazy, all my relatives, distant and close, are going to school in Logan. I love it!

Saturday was supposed to be a productive day, but after trying everything to get me to concentrate, I gave up and reorganized my room and organized the kitchen instead.

Today was probably the best day this whole weekend. After an inspiring morning at church I wandered around the temple to kill time before I went to a baby blessing. To see the gates at the temple open and welcoming was a comfort to me.

It was amazing to see all of the families that seemed to flood to the temple. There were a lot of people taking pictures and kids running around. I'm so excited for the day that I can take my kids to the temple on a Sunday afternoon and teach them about how sacred and wonderful it is.

Again I was surrounded by children at the baby blessing. My brother, Kip, had his first little girl and she is beautiful! I also got to see a new nephew of mine, Isaac. I got so caught up in talking to my siblings, eating, and holding Isaac that I didn't get to hold little Nora, Kip's little girl, or get a picture! She seemed to disappear whenever I had my hands free.

Hey, its hard to take a picture and hold a baby at the same time! This is Isaac. I believe he is only like... a month or month and a half old. Cute huh?

 This is my madre holding Isaac, a much better picture of him. I love his bright blue eyes and red hair!

Jake, my not-so-little bro, was playing with Laila, a niece of mine.

 What a stud.

 This is Ethan, my eldest nephew, Teos is to the right (and his lil' sister and Isaac's older sister), and Natalia is in the front (Laila's older sister). Somehow Jer, my older brother, got the kids to sit still for a second to take a decent picture.

This is Laila again. I love this picture! Her hair has gotten so light and long. Pretty much I have the cutest nieces and nephews EVER! And this is only half of them!

Well, sorry Kip and Alisha... I still can't believe I didn't get a picture of you and Nora... Next time I will for sure! I love my family!

London Anyone?

As many of you know, my sister and her family moved to London recently. While I was still working at RHR I was talking to a guest about it and she asked me what I was going to go visit my sister there. I have dreamed about visiting New York again and London would be fun but I always thought "I'm in school and I'm tight with money as it is" so I never seriously thought about it. I have thought a lot about London since that conversation at RHR and decided that I am going to London sometime in the next 2 years. I am still single and that would probably be the best time to go.

Well I don't know anything about London, well flying to London, cost, the best (or cheapest) time to go, and all that jazz. So if you have any tips to give me from your experiences or some traveling suggestions, even if its about places I should visit there, PLEASE share! My mentality has changed a bit I guess. I just remember when a dear friend told me, "its not about how much you have but what you can do with what you have."

Survival of the Unfit

So this week has been a realization of a lot of things. One, I am a million times more relaxed without a job. I wasn't planning on being unemployed during school but it just happened that way and so far I love it! For some reason my body goes into a panic when I have work and limited time to get homework done and then all I can think about is how stressed I feel, not concentrating on what I can get done in the time I have. Two, I am very much out of shape. I always knew that I had minimal strength in my upper body, even for a girl, but after riding my dad's 1988 Huffy up 4th North my quads seemed to scream, "why are you making us work all of the sudden?" So just because I am "smaller" than I was in high school I am a wimp compared to what I was then. Third, I realized that my memory is worse than I thought. In fact as I was about to write this sentence I was wondering what on earth the point was to this post-and I couldn't remember. So after realizing all of these things I counted myself eternally blessed that humans don't follow the survival of the fittest "rule" as much as the rest of God's creations do.

Another thing that I realized was how much I love to write. A lot of you probably could guess that, aren't surprised or just knew, but this week it occurred to me how much I love it. I don't remember a day that has gone by that I haven't written in some form or another. I don't mean like assignments, but for my own enjoyment if it is writing in my journal, a letter (I love those probably the most), a thought or description of a memory or a poem-ish thing. English and writing doesn't seem to be as admired as other fields like medicine, engineering (I admire engineers at least), and others, but it is a passion of mine that I plan to turn into a talent. I don't have the best grammar and you can especially tell by the way I talk. For some odd reason I write with better English than I talk, go figure.

Another wonderful thing I learned this week is how much I am loved. I always knew that I was a bit obnoxiously friendly and loud so a lot of people knew who I was, but I didn't realize how many people actually cared, who would yell across the way to just say hi, knock me down to give me a hug, or call me wondering the soonest time we could hang out. It really amazes me. I could never feel alone living here in Logan because I bump into cousins, second cousins, friends from high school, past home teachers and visiting teachers, friends from my past classes, new and old roommates, dear friends, and those guys that seem to think that rekindling whatever flame they thought we had was a good idea. All in all, this week has been a brighter experience than I imagined it would be.

Now its off to more good times. There's a dance tonight! And I should probably eat...

So I leave you with some words from a lady that I greatly admire (even though she smoked-Jaiden :P).

"I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles."
-Audrey Hepburn