A Christmas to Remember

I have to admit that living away from home made it difficult to remember that it was Christmas time, so even though it felt like I literally blinked and Christmas was gone, it was a great holiday! I got so spend time with my family and dear friends. I also got EXACTLY what I wanted from Santa (yes Santa still delivers to me, I'm the lucky oldest and apparently Santa didn't mind sparing a few presents for me ;) ). I got a new digital camera!!! So here are some pictures with the old and new from the past few days :)

My grandmother's handmade Swedish decorations (I think).

New camera

 My grandparents and I   :)

 A great opportunity to take an awesome picture wasn't wasted because I pretty much carry  my camera around with me EVERYWHERE!

 Kade is camera shy. Its really sad actually because he is such a stud!

 Jake and Devin playing ping pong. Devin dominated. hehe

 My baby girl :) Sweetest dog on the planet.

 So every year we try our hardest to frost the reindeer cookies we make, but they always seem to fall apart mostly around the neck, so I decided to get a little creative.

 Jake stuffing his face (old camera).

Jake's friend trying to be funny. It always works. (also old camera)

Merry Christmas from southern Salt Lake :D

Where Has The Snow Gone!?!

So all of the snow in Logan was pretty much gone by the time I drove home to Riverton. Sadly, Riverton doesn't really have any snow either. Thankfully it still feels like Christmas, Jake (my lil' bro) was just playing Christmas songs on the piano, the holiday decorations are perfectly displayed around the house, and I'm with my family which is the best thing of all. So to remind myself that there are even more snow storms to come and not be discouraged about the ugly brown and dead green lining the once beautifully white streets I am going to post some pictures I took the other day in Logan. Hope you enjoy them as much as I do :D

...

Life never seems to work out how I would like it to. Finals week is over and really thought that I did pretty good my first semester of college...until I looked at my final grades. I always knew that I would have to pay my own way through college and so I always counted on my grades to help me with getting scholarships, but reality hit me. I am in what I had always dreaded. I have no money for school and my mom, the most loving person on the planet, didn't want me to take a semester off to work so she is helping me out as much as she can. I let her down. I let myself down and I'm ashamed, disappointed, broken, embarrassed, ashamed. I can't go back and fix it and even if I get straight A's the rest of my freakin' life, there's no way I will ever reach what I expected from myself. I admit it is my fault. I should have worked harder; I had the time, means, and energy I just didn't use it and I regret it with all of my heart. I had this wonderful thing in my hands and just tossed it away. I am so blessed to live in this wonderful nation and I have the privilege to gain a higher education and as the Lord has asked us to do, but I blew it. I could tell myself that I'm only human, that this happens all of the time but the truth is I shattered so many dreams of mine and my loved ones. Nothing can change that.

All in all, I hoped that posting this for the world to see would help myself relieve from this heavy burden of guilt, but I know it won't.

But I can't leave you on a bad note so I will say that I do have something positive come from this experience, I know what I SHOULDN'T do and where my imperfections are. I have a lot of work to do.

FREE AT LAST!!!

Its Christmas Break! Finally a real break. It has been such an epic past week.

Sunday my roommate got confused on times and place for our ward's Sacrament because we were combined with 4 other singles wards and we missed it. I was kind of worried because I realize how important it is to take the Sacrament each week so to make a long story short, we ended up going to the deaf branch here in Logan. It was so cool. Don't worry though, the ward has someone talking and signing so we knew what was going on. Sitting in the chapel, yet again the truth of the gospel was confirmed to me. Even though we were attending a deaf branch, nothing was different than our own ward's Sacrament meetings and the Spirit was there too. For dinner that night we grilled two steaks! Keira, my roomie, and I have been so blessed with wonderful home teachers that not only teach us but ensure that we don't starve ;)

On Monday I went on a date to the Logan bowling alley (it was only like my 5th time bowling ever). Well my date and I did one round (I lost) and then for the second round we came up with rewards for if we won. Well Aaron, my date, decided that if he won I had to wear the same outfit for a whole week! Gross I know. Well I was not having a very creative day and I decided that if I won Aaron had to serenade and old lady of my choosing with his ukulele. There was no way that I was going to lose this round and I was pretty confident that I would win because at the beginning of the new round I had a double strike. Sadly this luck of mine ran out fast and Aaron caught up to me and passed me in no time. Alas I am yet to discover what week Aaron chooses for me to do the most repulsive thing of my life! Yuck, I have a feeling that I will be spending a lot of extra money multiple times in one week. I just hope and pray he forgets about it.

I have been working a lot more lately too, I take pretty much any of the other hostesses shifts that need it off since I am in Logan for most of the break. Well with Christmas so close, the restaurant has been super busy. I have definitely learned a lot about work in these past few weeks and I hope the owner and managers are pleased with my work.

Now to make this lovely month of complete freedom (almost) I am going to my very first USU sports event ever!!! The basketball game starts in the next little bit and I am super excited!!

Merry Christmas all! I hope you've been able to enjoy this time of year as much as I have!

Change Is In the Air

Its funny the twist and turns that life takes you through, but its all for the best.

This past week had its plenty of twists and turns you could say. One moment I'm set on one thing and the next I'm not so sure. The usual frustration sets in and the doubts creep through the cracks of the undecided. These are the times where I really begin to realize how much I rely on the Lord and our Father to help me.

Carrie, my roomie, and I went to the temple yesterday afternoon just like every other Tuesday. This time the experience was sweeter. There was a special feeling of peace, but mostly calming reverence in the baptismal room. I believe we both took advantage of the feeling and I can definitely say that it brought upon an amazing spiritual experience I hope to never forget. To make things even better last night reading my scriptures another miracle occurred.

We all go through a change of heart in our lives and I can say that the past couple days have been a testament to me of how I should be living life. Sadly enough, I am not perfect and although I will falter and stubble through life atleast I will have these special memories with me to remind me of what life could and should be like. Hopefully those memories will motivation enough to get back on track.

“Let us have the courage to defy the consensus, the courage to stand for principle. Courage, not compromise, brings the smile of God’s approval. Courage becomes a living and an attractive virtue when it is regarded not only as a willingness to die manfully, but also as a determination to live decently. A moral coward is one who is afraid to do what he thinks is right because others will disapprove or laugh. Remember that all men have their fears, but those who face their fears with dignity have courage as well.” 
-President Monson

“The battle for self-discipline may leave you a bit bruised and battered but always a better person. Self-discipline is a rigorous process at best; too many of us want it to be effortless and painless. Should temporary setbacks afflict us, a very significant part of our struggle for self-discipline is the determination and the courage to try again....Eternal life in the kingdom of our Father is your goal, and self-discipline will surely be required if you are to achieve it.” 
-President Monson

:)

*Click*

I almost vowed to put my thoughts and discussion on boys to a minimum, but I had to share this little tidbit before I continue my studies. So as you all know, dating in college is a totally different world than it was in high school. Well the other night I was discussing life with our Father and He helped me realized that I am NOT ready for a relationship right now. I am ONLY 18 (for some reason I forget that), I am still adjusting to college, and learning how to balance school, work, church, and play. I don't know where I would be able to fit much "boy" time in of that sort right now. To be honest, I'm not so sure if I really know what I want, I'm still testing the waters you could say. So for now I am completely happy, cross my heart, being single. In fact I feel better about everything already. :D

Are You Stressed?

You could definitely say that stress has been the main theme in my life for the past week or so. I have had a couple people actually ask me if I was stressed because I seemed a little tense. I could blame it all on the final exams that are coming up in less than 2 weeks, the fact that I am losing muscle but gaining weight, I bombed my last exam, didn't spend enough time on my last paper (I know it could have been so much better than it really was), or all of these things together. But to be honest I think that there is one other resent drama in my life that is stressing me out the most. I went in to talk to my adviser the other day and she suggested (for various reasons) that I not go into the field that I am currently majoring in. I understood her reasoning and agreed to an extent, but to be honest it kind of hurt. I mostly felt bad for letting my parents down. In high school I always envisioned myself as the perfect college student with my head deep in my books...but that's not how things turned out. SO I am in the process of deciding what I am going to be "when I grow up." I am a girl who likes to have a plan and so not even having a solid backup plan really is stressing me out. I have thought about going into photography and my mother and I both agree that I would do well in some type of counseling, but to be honest I really don't know what to do! So for all of those ever-so-much-wiser people out there, I would love to hear your suggestions!

And for those that live in the barren desert, don't freeze out there ;)