I've been guilty of praying for immediate patience on more than one occasion, I'm guilty of being frustrated because I can't see the road ahead of me clearly, and I often complain about my situation even though deep down I know the solution or the source to what will help me be happier.
Yet again I have come to a crossroads. Actually everyday for the past while I have awoken with a crossroads that was once easy to take on. Some mornings I fight in bed, deciding whether or not to even wake up and go to class or my meeting or whatever it might be. More than once I have given into Satan's whisperings and crawled back into a ball under my warm covers to hide myself from all the difficulties and challenges in life.
I went to the temple today on kind of a spur of the moment in between two of my classes. I was hoping for some miraculous peace or an answer, but came home with just the impression that I've received so many times before; "everything is going to turn out okay." My temple visit was a bit of a selfish one. I tried with all my might to focus on the names of the women that I was being confirmed and baptized for, but I could only think of all the road blocks I have been experiencing and, in some cases, probably creating. I looked back to the beginning of September when I felt like life was falling apart, but I seemed to find true happiness so much easier and thought about why I was having such a hard time now. Why was I not interested in the things I usually loved to do? What was wrong with me? I was reading my scriptures, going to church, going to institute, trying to be friendly, practically doing everything I had always been doing, BUT I wasn't doing them whole heartedly, I was just dragging myself through it all, putting on a face like everything was okay. Its funny though because it took me a while to realize this and it will take me a while to realize this every time this happens.
Yet again my prayers have been heard and once I was ready to hear the answer, it came...well just a little bit of it. I was supposed to go to a poetry reading but my friend said that we should try next month and it opened up a time that my visiting teachers wanted to come over and I knew that they were my answer. One of my visiting teachers talked about a BYUI devotional she watched the other day that greatly helped her in her life and I decided to watch it once they left. It was exactly what I needed. In fact I listened to parts of it twice or three times because they were so powerful to me. It not only helped relieve me in stressing over school degrees, but just worrying about the future.
There are no immediate answers in life. Its like what Elder Bednar talked about answers coming like a sunset, a little at a time, and my mom telling me just to worry about a day at a time.
I guess I need to start writing my blessings for each day because once I begin to forget all that I have I start to let Satan in little by little whispering to me all that I don't have and all that I am not. I am truly blessed. I have my two neighbors, Jacob and Daniel, that have literally become family to me. Brittney and I do something with them every week just as friends. They honestly care and are so willing to help me. I have Brittney, the "girlfriend" I have never really felt like I had, someone I can be a complete idiot with and is more than willing to join in with me. I have a mom who is always worrying about me and making sure that I am okay, helps me financially even though I am an adult and should be taking care of myself. And then there are those acquaintances, you know the people you kind of know or meet one day and never see again, but say something so profound you swear they know everything about you. And last but certainly not least, I have a Savior that I am coming to know a little more everyday. A man I really don't feel like I have begun to know until this year. I feel like I have always had a good relationship with Heavenly Father, but with Christ it has been different and I know I can't get any closer to Heavenly Father until I truly know Christ. I know that the people in my life have been placed there to help me.
I know, with all of my heart, that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only thing that can bring anyone true and everlasting happiness.
So if you're not happy, I challenge you to start on your quest today. And as my friend Justin told me today, "When you receive a prompting don't wait. Act on it...and smile."