Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I'm a fraud

Once upon a time Alex got a job at a bank (yes I'm going to refer to myself in the third person). She really liked this job for many reasons, but as time went by she realized that just like any job it wasn't perfect. One lovely sunny afternoon after the Pioneer Day holiday Alex was helping a customer as usual and instead of just letting him leave having a "blah" experience, Alex tried to make conversation with him. She asked him the same question she had asked many customers that same day about what they did to celebrate the holiday (not that he isn't special in his own way but because it was an easy default question to ask). Now keep in mind that this gentleman was probably in his mid 30's, a smoker, and from the clothes he was wearing I assumed he was a biker. -Sorry to label, but I wanted to give you a visual- The customer (we'll call him...Buster Brown; and yes I got that name from Megamind) replied by telling me about how he took his kids to go see the fireworks. Alex told Buster Brown how much his kids much love him for taking them to things like that and his response caught Alex off guard. He started off by saying that it would have been better if he had someone special to spend it with. When Buster Brown looked down at the counter with a you-should-feel-bad-for-me-in-a-flirtatious-way look on his face Alex knew she had to think of something else to talk about and fast! Motorcycles! Alex liked motorcycles so she thought maybe she would try that. Yet again, fail on the avoiding-awkward-older-men-hitting-on-me angle. Alex mentioned that she loved motorcycles and would love to ride them more often (yes she realized that was the worst way to word that comment because it totally set her up for a creeper comment) and he slipped her a business card and told her to call him whenever she wanted to go for a ride.

There's nothing more flattering than a divorced guy that is more than a decade older than you hitting on you at work.

So I've been hit on in a work setting by "interesting" characters before (I'm switching  back to...first person? I don't remember) and so I knew that it would happen every once in a while, but the next experience just really crossed the line. We had a customer that you could consider a "usual" because he comes in at least once a week. The poor small, old man doesn't ever have a smile on his face (unless he's  flirting with you) and you feel bad for him, but it definitely makes it harder to sympathize for him once he gives you that creepy I-don't-care-that-I'm-50-years-older-than-you-I-know-you-want-me-anyway look. This guy is 70 years old. I'm not exaggerating. Some older gentlemen aren't all there so you could kind of understand, but this guy definitely knows what he is talking about. I was about finished with his transaction when he looks at me a little confused and asks me,"Who is Alexandra?" I told him that was me, which I thought was easy to see since I had a name tag and a sign on my counter with my name in big, bold letters, but maybe he can't see well. Anyway then he asked me why my last name had changed. I thought for a second; I don't have anything at work indicating my last name let alone any evidence that it had changed and I had seen this customer many times at the branch but hardly helped him with anything myself so he didn't even really know me. To say the least I was confused and suspicious. In a slightly cautious tone I told the customer that my last name hadn't changed. With that answer his frown flipped and his eyelids raised and he said, "So you're single?!" "No." Then he said a little disappointed, "but you said that your last name hasn't changed." And without thinking I told him, "well it hasn't changed yet, officially, but it will soon." As the words came out I knew they weren't true and I felt a little guilty but this guy was really worrying me and I couldn't take the words back. So short story, right after work I drove straight to Claire's and bought myself a fake wedding ring and guess what? I've already received 3 compliments on it since I bought less than a week ago. I mean, if people ask about how long I've been married or something I tell them that its just a ring and I'm not married or engaged, but I figure that wearing a look a like wedding ring on my left ring finger isn't a crime just so long as I don't go around telling everyone that I've been married for a month and I was proposed to on New Year's Eve under the mistletoe, right? I don't know, maybe I'm just a terrible person and a fraud, but I figure that it will at least filter through some of the potential creepers.

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