Bear Hunts

We're going on a bear hunt.
We're going to catch a big one.
What a beautiful day!
We're not scared.

My mom is fantastic and as a fantastic mother she read us a lot of books and even as I've grown older they have come to hold a special place in my heart.

I have a dear friend who is going through a hard time. I was telling my mom about a discussion I had with this friend and my mom simply said, "can't go over it. Can't go under it. You've got to go through it." These wise words come from one of my most memorable children's book, We're Going On a Bear Hunt. In this story a family decides to go on a bear hunt. With confidence and smiles on their faces they leave home and go through the wilderness searching for this big bear. They face challenges like hills covered in tall grass, rivers, woods, deep mud, and even a snowstorm. With every "trial" they respond with, "we can't go over it. We can't go under it...We've got to go through it!" As a child I would have never made a deeper connection; the story was just an adventure of words with such a rhythm that excited our imagination. But it's true, life seems wonderful and we are excited to take it on and then the next moment when we stubble across a small hill that seems challenging, but we accept the challenge knowing all is well. Later on we turn a corner and there before us is a river and we know we must cross it. Sooner or later we come upon snowstorms and dark, lonely woods and all of that determination and confidence is challenged again. Honestly there is only one option, we have to go through it, the difference in whether we succeed or not is based on our attitude. Will we trudge through the forest with our eyes darting at every noise or will we observe our surroundings and use it for our advantage and maybe pick a flower or two on the way?

So...

We're going on a bear hunt.
We're going to catch a big one.
What a beautiful day!
We're not scared.

I'm a fraud

Once upon a time Alex got a job at a bank (yes I'm going to refer to myself in the third person). She really liked this job for many reasons, but as time went by she realized that just like any job it wasn't perfect. One lovely sunny afternoon after the Pioneer Day holiday Alex was helping a customer as usual and instead of just letting him leave having a "blah" experience, Alex tried to make conversation with him. She asked him the same question she had asked many customers that same day about what they did to celebrate the holiday (not that he isn't special in his own way but because it was an easy default question to ask). Now keep in mind that this gentleman was probably in his mid 30's, a smoker, and from the clothes he was wearing I assumed he was a biker. -Sorry to label, but I wanted to give you a visual- The customer (we'll call him...Buster Brown; and yes I got that name from Megamind) replied by telling me about how he took his kids to go see the fireworks. Alex told Buster Brown how much his kids much love him for taking them to things like that and his response caught Alex off guard. He started off by saying that it would have been better if he had someone special to spend it with. When Buster Brown looked down at the counter with a you-should-feel-bad-for-me-in-a-flirtatious-way look on his face Alex knew she had to think of something else to talk about and fast! Motorcycles! Alex liked motorcycles so she thought maybe she would try that. Yet again, fail on the avoiding-awkward-older-men-hitting-on-me angle. Alex mentioned that she loved motorcycles and would love to ride them more often (yes she realized that was the worst way to word that comment because it totally set her up for a creeper comment) and he slipped her a business card and told her to call him whenever she wanted to go for a ride.

There's nothing more flattering than a divorced guy that is more than a decade older than you hitting on you at work.

So I've been hit on in a work setting by "interesting" characters before (I'm switching  back to...first person? I don't remember) and so I knew that it would happen every once in a while, but the next experience just really crossed the line. We had a customer that you could consider a "usual" because he comes in at least once a week. The poor small, old man doesn't ever have a smile on his face (unless he's  flirting with you) and you feel bad for him, but it definitely makes it harder to sympathize for him once he gives you that creepy I-don't-care-that-I'm-50-years-older-than-you-I-know-you-want-me-anyway look. This guy is 70 years old. I'm not exaggerating. Some older gentlemen aren't all there so you could kind of understand, but this guy definitely knows what he is talking about. I was about finished with his transaction when he looks at me a little confused and asks me,"Who is Alexandra?" I told him that was me, which I thought was easy to see since I had a name tag and a sign on my counter with my name in big, bold letters, but maybe he can't see well. Anyway then he asked me why my last name had changed. I thought for a second; I don't have anything at work indicating my last name let alone any evidence that it had changed and I had seen this customer many times at the branch but hardly helped him with anything myself so he didn't even really know me. To say the least I was confused and suspicious. In a slightly cautious tone I told the customer that my last name hadn't changed. With that answer his frown flipped and his eyelids raised and he said, "So you're single?!" "No." Then he said a little disappointed, "but you said that your last name hasn't changed." And without thinking I told him, "well it hasn't changed yet, officially, but it will soon." As the words came out I knew they weren't true and I felt a little guilty but this guy was really worrying me and I couldn't take the words back. So short story, right after work I drove straight to Claire's and bought myself a fake wedding ring and guess what? I've already received 3 compliments on it since I bought less than a week ago. I mean, if people ask about how long I've been married or something I tell them that its just a ring and I'm not married or engaged, but I figure that wearing a look a like wedding ring on my left ring finger isn't a crime just so long as I don't go around telling everyone that I've been married for a month and I was proposed to on New Year's Eve under the mistletoe, right? I don't know, maybe I'm just a terrible person and a fraud, but I figure that it will at least filter through some of the potential creepers.

Oh the downs of dating

Honestly I don't find anything negative about dating without matching it up with some positive outcome, but I couldn't think of a cheesier title for this post and nor did I want to spend the time.

However I am going to talk about dating and dating "Spiritual Hunk". First, if you know Spiritual Hunk don't tell him I have a blog. For some reason I haven't mentioned it and I'd like to be the one to tell him and it would hopefully give me time to delete any embarrassing or overly hormonal posts. Plus, I'm not sure if he would dig being the *star* of some of my latest posts...or maybe he'd love it? We'll have to see.

There are some "downs" to dating and one of which I am experiencing today. I miss Spiritual Hunk. Honestly, I do. I won't be seeing him until next week and I'm just so thankful that it feels like this week has been going by quickly. Lately "Spiritual Hunk" and I have been trying to think of fun questions to ask each other to keep the conversation going. Sadly enough, even being the much more chatty one, I always seem to draw a blank and when I do think of something fun to talk about I always forget about it when I am with him. Well, I guess my memory has proved to come back when I fall of a surf board; I'll have to keep testing that. Now when I say I miss him its not a superficial I-miss-holding-hands deal (not that I don't miss that), but I miss just being around him and sitting on the front porch for hours talking about life and laughing together. Spiritual Hunk helps bring out the best in me and ever since our first date I have felt this inner motivation to push myself even harder to be a better person and improve myself in so many ways. In my perspective, our values and standards align so well it blows my mind. Its so refreshing. But separation isn't my favorite thing. Looking at my history in dating I've never seemed to handle it well and I haven't had to deal with it a whole lot, but then again I've only had one boyfriend-and no I don't count my 'real' first boyfriend because it only lasted a few days because he didn't treat me very well. Anyway! I'm not used to taking things slow either, but I enjoy it. Its definitely different, but its good. I feel like I'm dating the right way for the first time and to think it only took me four years!

So although I might be a little "down" (not really because I've been curled up in a book all afternoon thanks to a suggestion by my lovely cousins), separation gives me a chance to think more clearly about things without having Spiritual Hunk distracting me with his handsome face and tender squeeze. And even though you could say that dating isn't going the way I'm used to I'm not giving up or giving in, he's just too awesome to let go of so easily.